It seems like no women in the Chicago area wants to talk to me.
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Posted:Apr 11, 2019 11:04 am
Last Updated:Apr 12, 2019 11:43 am
20346 Views
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Well, I've gone through all of the profiles recommended to me via NoStrings, based on my selections of what I was looking for (and they are pretty open to races, height, weight, etc., however not dating smokers or drug users, sorry) and I've messaged everyone I was interested in I thought had things in common with . Out of those, I did get contacted by a few people here, but as soon as I said I was living with my mom and dad, they all bailed out of the conversations, and a couple people even insulted , calling a momma's . As I tried to explain to them all I was taking care of my mom due to her stage 4 colon cancer, they all either blocked or told they didn't want to get involved with all or hear any fake excuses. Who would make an excuse about their mom having cancer?
So, this point, I've exhausted all of the people here on the site within a 50 mile radius to my home. The rest, I've emailed least twice to try and say hello with no replies all. So...I've now switches to new members. But this point, I don't know if going to find anyone here.
However, because I active, NoStrings has been taking my profile world wide, and I keep getting views from people who are half way across the US or the world for matter. So while I appreciate the views, unless these people are suddenly taking trips to Chicago and want to see personally, I don't think 's going to help anything. What I really think is the website is doing is just taking my profile and having them show these women her from around the world to make it look like they are actually viewing my profile when they are not in reality. It's probably the software coding it to make it look like people are actually viewing my profile.
In fact, I've actually gotten 's from people across the states here asking if I looking for a relationship. Look...with all due respect, no sane person, which they've just viewed a profile, would , say they want to relocate to my area just to have a relationship with . If I saw someone's profile, and they looked cute, they seemed to fit very similar things like me, and even if person seemed to fit me like a glove...there is no way in hell I quitting my job, moving all of my stuff, and relocating just so I could be closer to them, not to mention abandoning my family and my ....I mean it does not make sense! Who in their right mind would do , just to be with someone? Maybe if I was single, didn't have or family, and my job is interchangeable, could I possibly consider it, but would be after I've talked to person and developed a relationship with person online and talked to person for QUITE A WHILE. But to do just out of the blue because we talked for a few minutes on a website? Nope. Uh uh, no way.
The funny thing is I keep getting people 'g here asking to speak to offline. As if stupid to do . In fact I just got two more tried to do this to while I was typing this blog.
So for right now, not holding hope for this site or other dating sites. All I can say is glad the weather is getting warmer so I can get out and maybe start approaching people myself. Do you get random people from far away checking out your profile? Have you gotten messages from people to move to your area to start a relationship with you and you barely know them? How do you handle it? Or do you suspect the website itself is doing this on it's own in order to make one person look other people to make it look like the first person was checking them out, when in fact they never did? What do you think?
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Conversation is like Tennis
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Posted:Apr 9, 2019 11:53 am
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2019 6:17 am
19620 Views
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You get a double blog for today! How lucky are you people? LOL!
I've been having a lot of weird conversations here lately, so I thought I would help people who read this blog better understand how to actually have a conversation.
You see, I say hello.
You reply hello back.
I then ask a couple of questions to get to know you better, seeing as we are just starting off the conversation and having me, get to know you more.
You don't reply back.
I then say "Hello? Is everything ok?"
You then ignore what I originally asked, and then you ask me to talk offline somewhere else.
That is not how conversation works. Conversation is like tennis folks. I serve the ball over the net to you, and you are supposed to smack the ball back. I then repeat the process until the conversation is ended to a point to where there is understanding and knowledge between each other to the point of a conclusion. If I ask some questions, that is me wanting an answer to those questions so I can get to know you better. If you fail to answer those questions, and pretend like I never asked them to begin with, then we have a disconnect. Which is the equivalent of me saying, "Do you want to tennis?" "Yes." "Ok, I'll serve the ball first." I then serve the ball and you stand there like an idiot and let the ball fly by. I then ask "Hey, are we going to tennis?" and you reply back "Hey, I want to get tacos. Do you want to go with me to this place to go get tacos and we can talk there?"
No...
This also goes for conversations here as well as on Tinder, Bumble, or any other dating site. You just don't do that. Or for that matter, if I were to say hello, you say hi back, then I ask some questions to get to know you, and then you ghost me and disappear like a fart in wind. It still stinks.
The moment you engage in a conversation and reply back, IN ANY MANNER, you are obligated to reply back to a person's questions back. Now you have the right to go ahead and say "You know, I thought I wanted to talk to you, but I just don't like think this is going to work out." Ok, I can then ask why, but even if you don't want to talk to me and say "Sorry, I just don't feel like talking." That's fair. I still have the right to reply back and say "Well thanks for wasting my time. Don't let the door hit you on the way out!" I don't have to be civil to you for wasting my time, but at that point, I'm done talking to you as well.
But to up and decide you don't want to talk to me at all and disappear....that's a complete dick move on your part. Or for you to say "Let's talk somewhere else. Install XYZ app so we can talk there." Why? We can't talk here? You can't answer my original questions here? For what reason? Once again...
If you are going to carry a conversation with someone, be prepared to dive in fully. Don't be wishy-washy about it, don't ignore someone's questions, and don't ghost people. It's not right to do that. Now, if something happens...like you are engaged in a conversation, and an actual real life event happens from keeping you from talking to me in the conversation while talking on chat, or Tinder, or Bumble or wherever it may be, like your just rolled down the stairs like a bouncy ball and starts crying, you have to take him to the hospital, and you completely forget, and the next day, the person you are talking to says in chat "Hey, is everything ok?" Be honest and tell them a real life event happened which prevented you from talking and most importantly...apologize for breaking off the conversation abruptly. I think normal people would completely understand and easily forgive you and ask "Are you ok? Is everything ok?" with normal concern. Most people that are normal that is. Some people are morons and they won't understand at all, that's a given in life.
The bottom line is...conversation is like tennis. You have to participate, and you can't just up and disappear, or change the conversation to fit your needs. It requires attention and back and forth dialog so both people can understand each other. And if you are not ready for that, you shouldn't be on a dating app, or here for that matter until you are READY to actually participate.
(jumps off my soapbox)
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Sometimes being alone sucks.
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Posted:Apr 9, 2019 6:47 am
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2019 12:46 pm
19565 Views
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I'm not a social butterfly.
In fact, I'm fairly introverted. It's something I wish I could overcome, but the older you get, the more set in your ways you become, and it's harder to break out of them. It's not impossible, but it is hard to do.
Being divorced can also be difficult for a man. When I was divorced from my ex, almost all of my friends were her friends. The friends I had from before I was married, my ex frowned upon them, and she did what she could to have me cut my ties from them. Yeah, she was a controlling person, and it was the first part of my spider-senses tingling telling me to get out of the marriage, but I shut them down and ignored them because I thought I loved her.
Fast forward to today. I have a couple of friends from the internet, but really...I don't have any actual physical friends. I do have family members, which I see from time to time. However, they have their own lives and I rarely interact with them. The people I see the most are my mom and dad on a daily basis, and then my once a week, if at that, because they are getting older and want to do their own things in life.
So where does that leave me? Alone most of the time.
Dealing with being alone can be difficult at times. I don't feel alone all of the time. But some days, being alone can hurt and it's not easy to deal with. I know what you'll say next...go out and find some friends! Folks it's easier said than done. For me, I'm an introverted thinker. Which means, while I can socialize, I overthink things a lot. And when that happens, I have a tendency to think, "What does this person want from me? What is their real goal? Do they want to be my friend or do they just want to use me because I can drive them somewhere or for them to get into someplace or use me for a certain reason?"
My heart wants a friend, but my head overthinks things. In reality, I can count the people I trust on my fingers. The real people I can count on. I wish I could develop more friends, but in the past, I've been burnt so many times by selfish people who've used me in the past, I've built a fortress around my heart. Yeah, I love that song from Sting. When I hear it, it wants me to open up to others, but the pain from the past keeps from doing so.
Which leads me to this...if you have the same problems, how do you overcome being alone? How do you find a way to open up to others and allow them inside of your world? Because it's not like a Nike commercial where you just say, "Just Do It". How do you overcome the fear of letting people in and being open again? And this also relates to myself opening up to the opposite sex as well, not just friends.
What do you think?
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Being real in the blogging community
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Posted:Apr 8, 2019 7:30 am
Last Updated:Apr 12, 2019 5:47 pm
19172 Views
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When I first got here, blogging was a big thing here. People could hook up using blogs without having to send one message to anyone. The more popular a blogger was here, the more often he or she would get action or people wanting to follow them.
Today....it's an entirely different story. I see many of the blogs here are just picture shows and no substance, and very few of them are actually about the person themselves. I went to look at the top bloggers here, and many of them seemed to have no substance. It's all flash, no realism or anything about themselves.
Of course, the more things change, the more they stay the same. I remember when I first came into the blogging scene, and man, if you started to move up and gain followers quickly I did, some people would do whatever they could to come on your blog and do whatever they could to attack you and your blog. Bitches pulled out their claws and got catty, insulting people, attacking them. All so they could keep their reign as the top blogger and keep their followers. I mean shit was NASTY. I even remember one of my friends being attacked and it effected her so much, she stopped blogging altogether, shut down her blog and her profile and never returned. The worst part was I never got a chance to get her personal info so we could stay friends. It felt terrible losing her, because this was someone that supported me, and when she left, it felt like a part of me had disappeared.
Since that day, I've always strived to be real on my blogs. It definitely also was tied to my divorce. Because I had been lying to my ex wife about things, when the divorce hit, I made a vow to just be myself and just to tell the truth, no matter how hard it may hurt someone. I'd rather be true to myself and not lie and coat things than tell even one little white lie about stuff.
"Does this make my butt look fat to you?"
"Yes that makes your ass look fat because you have a fat ass, but let me tell you...I love fat asses!" And then I start signing Baby Got Back by Sir Mixalot.
Look...I'm not perfect. No one is. But when it comes to me blogging here, I'll tell you that I would rather tell you about who I am and it be who I really am, so you can read it for yourself and just be me. And you know what...some people here fear me because they can't except REAL for what it is. When you meet someone here who is real, not fake, and they accept themselves for who they are as that...you can't fuck with them.
Want to attack my weight? Go right ahead, I am 252 lbs, and I'm still on the BMI index as borderline obese. But at one point I was at 275 lbs....I'm losing weight and yes I might fluctuate up and down, but I'm trying to lose that weight and stay active.
Want to attack my gray hair? Yeah, it's natural. And yes, at one point I tried to dye it, but it looked bad on me and not natural, so I quit dying my hair and said I'm going to be who I should be. Accept my gray hair or don't.
Haha, you four-eyed nerdy freak! Yeah, I have glasses. And yes, I'm as nerdy and white-bread as they come. But I love being nerdy. And as much as I can't take contacts in my eyes (I've tried dozens of times, I can't put them in, they irritate my eyes too much), I'd rather wear glasses. I'm even considering lasik surgery. But who cares if I wear glasses or I'm a nerd?
The point is...being real scares people. Why? Because when you see someone who is real, and they don't care what people think of them, they look at their own selves and them become afraid of facing off with a real person. And that's especially true when it comes to dating here. People want the fantasy. Not the reality, because they deal with real life issues everyday. They want to escape from it. And there is nothing wrong with escaping reality for a little bit each day, but to avoid reality constantly and ignore it, especially when it comes to dating and relationships...that's wrong. You have to allow yourself to be real with the people you care about the most. Otherwise your relationship becomes a farce...a fantasy of it's own. And I should know, I did that first hand when I was married as well as my ex wife. That's all she cared about...was how wonderful her life was with her husband. Yet, she spent like a fish, ran up tons of bills, and drove the both of us into bankruptcy, and destroyed our marriage because she would only want to have sex once a year. She only cared about presenting herself on the surface so she could show a picture perfect marriage. And that's no way to live.
Folks, if I could share two pieces of advice with you that would be to TAKE INVENTORY OF WHO YOU ARE and BE REAL WITH YOURSELF. If you can do that, you'll be a lot better off in your own life.
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I have taken over the Chicago and Vicinity area, soon the world!
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Posted:Apr 3, 2019 7:47 am
Last Updated:Apr 4, 2019 8:12 am
17526 Views
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Bwaaahahahahaahaaaa!
What? Too much like Dr. Doofenshmirtz.
Eh, I just noticed that I'm the top blogger not only in the Chicago area, but the entire Chicago and vicinity area as well. So I thought I'd have a bit of fun, goof around and celebrate a bit. I could care less about being the top male blogger. Or the top blogger period. I just been posting more than usual I guess, stuff on my mind, Spring is here, I'm hornier than usual and no one wants to take me up on anything, stuff like that.
I would have thought I would have had more female fans however. I have one fan. Thanks pocogato12! LOL! Least someone here wants me.
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Mom update: she had batch number 2 for chemo this week. She's doing ok, eating food, resting. Next time she has chemo, she's also going to be trying to get some different medicine that will help her keep the cancer in check and from moving around the body. Not sure what its called. But she's still fighting it and trying to stay active.
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I'm talking with my as I'm trying to let them pick where they want to go for vacation this year. I only get a couple of days with them because they are getting older and busier. But I want to at least get in there and get them a decent vacation. I did throw in the suggestion to go to the Mall of America possibly. I just didn't want to take them to Wisconsin Dells again. I've done that twice now with them, so trying to do something different this year around my area. It's still drivable, and close by.
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Regardless if no one replied to my other blog post regarding Exxxotica Expo in Chicago this weekend, I'm still going. I want to go Saturday for a couple of hours, see how that is. I'll try to take some pictures if I can as well to show you what its like.
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Well that's all I have for today. Happy hump day folks.
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Well this woman has BALLS!
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Posted:Apr 2, 2019 7:58 pm
Last Updated:Apr 3, 2019 6:15 am
17363 Views
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Well, I got fooled...again. LOL! It only took one day for it to happen. See folks, I told you it would happen.
So I message this person to talk to her. She likes my message, then she agrees to talk to me, if we take it to an offline message program.
Something was screaming in the back of my head don't do it....but I did it anyway. Yes, I'm an idiot.
So we connect on this message program (won't say which one, it's not important), and I say hello, she says hi back.
In order to quell my curiosity right off the bat, I ask her to do me a small favor, and asked her to take a picture of her with her finger to her nose. (I do this from time to time in order to see if a person will do this. A fake will immediately say they can't do it.
Sure enough, she says she doesn't have a cellphone to take the picture. Which is a boldfaced lie, because, she only has one picture in her profile, and guess what folks...she's using her cellphone to take the picture in the mirror!
So I ask her where does she live...she ignores the question completely. Then she says "Well some people don't have smartphones. I think it's rude of you to assume that I own a cellphone. (folks, according to surveys, 92 percent of Americans have cellphones. And even dumbphones can take pictures and post them to the internet.)"
Then here comes the kicker...she then says if you want me to have a cellphone, maybe you should buy me one of those new IPhones if you want me to have one so I can talk to you.
WHAT? I swear, that one caught me so off guard, I had to ask repeat that one again.
"Excuse me, did you just say you want me to buy you a new IPhone?"
"Sure if you want to."
"Where do you live again roughly?" At this point I'm literally floored. Like no joke, I was laying on the bed, and I was so stunned I flopped off the bed and on to the floor. The audacity of this woman is astounding.
"AZ." Like in Arizona? "Yes."
"Ok well, thanks for fucking with me and wasting my time. I'll be reporting your account to NoStrings to have it removed."
She sends me a weak ass "sorry" before I finally block her on my phone, but the damage is done. She's thinks she's got my email address from the messenger program I used. Which sucks, but this is EXACTLY what I warned you guys about. However, ole' Agent J is smarter than the average bear. You see, the email I gave her is a tossaway email that I use for first time use. I keep that handy in case something like this happens, so that they think they got my email when in fact it's just a tossaway email that I use. So if they try to sell it on the dark web, its not worth it.
Well...needless to say...this is exactly what I warned you folks about. Whenever someone wants to go offline to another messenger program, be prepared ahead of time. Have some tossaway email accounts if you suspect someone to possibly be a fake person or having a fake/fraudulent account. And once you know that person is a fake, report them ASAP to NoStrings so that account can be removed and banned.
Still, the brazenness of the people just blows my mind how ballsy some people can actually be sometimes.
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Chicago's Exxxotica Expo this weekend, who's going?
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Posted:Apr 2, 2019 7:16 am
Last Updated:Apr 2, 2019 7:37 am
16268 Views
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This April 5th to the 7th, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, the Chicago Exxxotica Expo will be happening in downtown Rosemont at the Donald E. Stephens Convention center. On Friday, ladies are free, but the time on Friday is only from 4PM until PM. Saturday is 2PM to PM and Sunday is from 1PM to 6PM, per from what I was able to get from their website.
It should be interesting to see, as I've never been to this before, however I'm planning on going Saturday to see how this is and give this a shot.
My question is, is anyone planning on going to this this weekend? And if so, when are you planning on going to go see it? If you've gone in the past, have you made any connections in the past when you've gone there? If you've gone to previous Exxxotica expo's in the past, seeing as I've never gone to one, what can I expect there?
I guess the real reason for going is to check it out and maybe see if I can possibly talk to some single women there and see I can make a connection there or not and see what else is there to view. Being that it's my first time there, I'm not really sure what to expect.
What I would like to do is if anyone is going, perhaps we could maybe group up on Saturday and hang out if anyone is interested.
So who is going to be there? Time to sound off and see what's happening!
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A fool no longer
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Posted:Apr 1, 2019 6:18 am
Last Updated:Apr 4, 2019 8:16 am
16540 Views
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I guess as I keep getting messages here, it seems I keep getting the same type of message here where they keep asking me to give them my info.
(first message out of the gate) - "What's your telephone number?" - yeah, sorry not gonna happen.
"Where exactly do you live" - like I going to give them my exact address or GPS coordinates.
"What company do you work for?" - Nunyabizness.
"How much money do you make a year?" - enough. Otherwise go to Glassdoor and look up data center engineer to see averages.
"Contact me on YXZ website so we can talk there." - 9 times out of its for .
On a rare occasional message, I actually do speak to people who are living and not wanting to know my personal details. I actually spoke to a couple of women this weekend. One informed me that because I take care of my folks, she wanted nothing to do with me because she doesn't need the drama.
Another when I asked questions about her, she would never answer a single question and then asked me questions in return, which I answered, and then I asked the same question again, only to get asked another question. Add. Repeat. Add. Repeat. Which by the 4th time I asked this person the same question, (I asked her what neighborhood in Chicago she lived in, not her exact address) this person then asked me why it should matter since I've been on the site since 2007, another avoidance to answer my first question.
And yet another person in which I talked to and then when things were actually going to get serious, she ghosted me and wouldn't talk to me afterwards, because she probably got scared I was actually real and wanted to meet.
Three women, one too self absorbed in herself to deal with anything but herself, another who wanted to waste my time without answering any questions about her, and one that I believe was too scared when things got real.
This is why I ask questions guys and don't let the little head fool me into thinking everything is ok. When I first started here, that's how it was. I ignored the warning signs because I wanted to get laid. Now, older, wiser, smarter...I know better.
Just like the song from the Who, we won't get fooled again.
Of course, I'm fooling you, because I probably will get fooled again. I'm not perfect. No one is. We all make mistakes. But if you try to focus and attention to what words people say here when they talk to you, like bad, broken English or improper spelling, you can sniff out the fakes faster than premature ejaculator. Just use your big brain to stay focused and attention to what people actually say, you can keep yourself protected.
And that is no joke.
Thanks for reading! Peace!
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Living with my mom and dad
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Posted:Mar 30, 2019 11:23 am
Last Updated:Mar 31, 2019 10:55 am
15690 Views
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One of the biggest problems I have when talking to women isn't that I don't have . I make a fair of . Or that not understanding. Or that I do not have the emotional range of a brick, like some men, who want to hide their feelings and emotions. Far from it, I wear my emotions on my sleeve for all to see. Some women like that, others don't.
But the main issue that really turns off women from getting to know me...is that I live with my parents. A grown 49 year old man....living with his mom and dad.
It's the equivalent to kryptonite to Superman or the color yellow to Green Lantern.
When I tell people I live with my mom and dad, and the reason why, which is due to my mom having her stage 4 colon cancer, and I've chosen to help them at this time while she is battling this at them moment, they think I cannot take care of myself. Or I rely on them for everything. I do not.
I rent. I my own food and assist with the cooking. The cleaning. Laundry (both mine and theirs), garbage, and a multitude of chores and things to keep the house kept up. And I do this to help them. Now not reliant on them, and if I left, they are not reliant on . During the time when I was going through my divorce, they helped me when I needed it. They gave a place to stay, and as soon as I came here, I helped them with paying rent and helping them when they needed it. Now they need . What I am doing is helping to repay the favor they gave to . It's my choice to do so.
Can it be a bit of a burden? Yes, I will not deny that. But when you contact women here, and when you ask to meet them, and they read your profile and say "I don't need the burden of you living with your folks and I don't want that in my life", that's fine. But I've even been told here by some, who I guess don't understand and a "momma's " or that worthless. Oh yeah, I've gotten those messages by some here.
The thing is, I can leave of here anytime I want. I could get a place within a month and move and get my own place if I had to. The thing is doing what is right. Being here to help my folks in a time of need, and right now the need is great. And here's the thing...I might have to move soon anyway, because my folks are considering the house to find a smaller, single-story ranch home so that they don't have to climb stairs or worry about a large home. Add to it the drive from home to work is an 70 minute drive one way with traffic. So going to have down the road find a place of my own soon, and probably by the end of the year or early next year, move regardless.
I just recently talked to a woman here. She said she didn't even want to talk to and wanted nothing to do with . As if I was some diseased contagious leper. Even when I asked her to least give a chance, she refused. Which is fine. If that's what you want, not going to force anyone to be with . But to down on as if I was less of a man because I live with my folks and not even hearing ? No, sorry...bye Felicia, next.
I think I can be very understanding, because if I have my issues, I know other people have issues as well. We all have problems, issues to deal with. But to down on others because they have issues and you don't want to deal with them? That's wrong. And to make others feel smaller than you because they are dealing with problems or issues, that's wrong as well.
If you want nothing to do with because I have chosen to step up and help my parents during their time of need, I don't need you in my life. You want to judge me...fine. But don't expect me to beg. Don't expect me to try to impose your will on me and try to make me feel bad for taking care of my parents when they need me. Or make it like a deadbeat because I live with my parents. I know who I am.
One day I hope we can past basic appearances and not judge people like the cover of a . But unfortunately, it still seems there are many people there who can't. And that is a sad state of affairs for people today, in which many are either too numb to care, or don't wish to bother to help others in need. sorry, it's preaching to a choir of people who probably don't care. I'll get off of my soapbox now. Thanks for reading.
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History
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Posted:Mar 29, 2019 1:19 pm
Last Updated:Mar 31, 2019 10:50 am
15822 Views
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I've been here 15 .
I've talked to a lot of people here. Got divorced. Gone through several jobs, lost a house, a car, and 100k in the divorce. Filed for bankruptcy. Scratched and clawed to get out of debt, go back into debt and clawing back out again. I've met people here, lost friends here. Gone through a bunch of trials and tribulations. 15 .
Folks, it's been a fucking crazy and wild ride.
I got started here when I was still married. first I was looking for advice to try and save my marriage. It failed. One of my few regrets in life...I should have told her like a man and ended it. Instead, I cheated. Not physically of course. But mentally and emotionally, I cheated. It wasn't until after I got the papers did I have sex with someone else. But I should have just told her and left. She made mistakes on her part, and I made mistakes on my part. We both fucked . But instead of wallowing in pain and sadness...and with the advice of family and friends, I moved on. Some mistakes can never be repaired. But you can learn from them and grow . And grow I did.
The one thing I focused on was my . I wanted to make sure even though I was divorced now, my would know I still loved them no matter what and I would be there for them as much as possible. Of course, because my ex was at time being an ahole, she used the as a weapon to try to inflict as much emotional pain as possible on me. She took the away from me and gained full custody of the . She restricted my visitations, she did everything possible to use the against me. It's one of the things I still have trouble forgiving her for, but I choose to forgive her, because it's what God would want me to do, and if I continued to focus negative energy against her, it wouldn't make a difference to her anyways, because I would be channeling wasted energy, because she wouldn't care nor would it matter. Regardless, my focus was to make sure my would want for nothing and they would be loved most importantly.
She would verbally abuse , and I would ignore it for the longest time. One day I had enough of the verbal insults and abuse. I took her and the home, dropped them off and told her until she stopped insulting me and verbally abusing me, I would stop coming to see the . It was a terrible bluff, and I felt bad for using the as a weapon as well. But it worked because after 3 weeks, the were crying because they hadn't seen me in weeks. Afterwards, things began to change, and her attitude and demeanor slowly changed as well. Now, things have gotten much better. We work together to help provide parenting for them. Are things still good? Not 100 percent of where I would like it to be, but time heals all wounds and what's important now are the .
Now...I have met a couple women in my life. But nothing has really panned out for the better. The women I've met has mostly been absorbed in their lives and I was just there for the ride. I felt like I wasn't going anywhere, like a car stuck in the mud with it's wheels spinning away. So I decided to make myself the project. Slowly fix things within my own life. Fix my debt issues. Focus on minimalizing my life for what I needed. Get some therapy and talk to a psychiatrist to deal with issues in my life and my family to get some better clarity on my life. Focus on finding a job is supportive rather than destructive in my life. Continue to focus on my alcohol addiction ( proud of this one because I've been sober for over 30 now! YAY!!!)
And while it was not easy for any of these, I slowly got better. which does not kill you makes you stronger. motto for is my life.
Where I now?
Well things are still not perfect. I still live with my folks and the moment, focusing on helping my mom with her colon cancer. But my debt is almost gone. I have a brand new Hyundia Tuscon. I have an AMAZING job and management supports and the work I do. My are doing great. My ex doesn't nag at anymore. I've gone from 275 pounds to 250 pounds and slowly losing weight with diet and light exercise. Mentally good. getting to where I to be.
Where would I like to be? I'd love to have my own place. I want to be debt free AND in the black instead of in the red. I want to improve my life even further. Focus on what's needed. Most importantly, I want a woman would love and support . Lots and lots of sex. And maybe a brand new gaming PC so I can some games again.
The point of this long rambling post? I have gone through some incredible, terrible shit. Some of it put on me, and some of which I caused myself. But throughout these 15 , I've learned from my mistakes and worked to fix what I could as best as I could. And you will still fight through life, with more ups and downs. But I will never give up. EVER. which does not kill you makes you stronger. So keep fighting. Never stop fighting. Never stop working toward a better tomorrow. And I can guarantee you, one day things will be better. But you have to work toward it and want better things for yourself so you can see the light the end of the long dark tunnel and see the clouds break to see and feel warm sunlight on your face once more.
Thanks for reading.
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Playing the detective
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Posted:Mar 28, 2019 7:57 am
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2019 6:27 am
15928 Views
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It's not easy for me to meet new people here. I'll admit, I don't have washboard abs and look like a model from GQ magazine. My hair is it's natural color which is salt and pepper gray, which some women don't like because it makes a man look old and unflattering. I don't have my own place and I'm staying with my folks to help take care of my mom, who has stage 4 colon cancer, so I can't host anyone at my house for sex. But regardless of that, I pride myself on being probably the most REAL PERSON here ever at NoStrings. I don't hide my flaws. Everything on my profile is 0 percent accurate, and I will never lie about who I am or what I claim to be. You ask me who I am and I'll tell you the truth.
Which is why my biggest pet peeve here ever is people who lie on their profiles. I mean I get it, this is an age of privacy and people like to protect themselves because they have something to hide. We all do. So I can see if you have on your profile that you don't have marked down, and yet when you talk to someone, and in the message they send, they say, I have , but I didn't put it down on my profile so I could protect them. THAT....is a reasonable argument, so I completely get it.
But when you have that you are 35 on your profile and then when I contact you and you say you're 29. When you say you are Caucasian when I can see you are of a mixed race. When you say you live in Chicago and then when I contact you, you tell me you live in Philadelphia? When we ask you "Hey what neighborhood do you live in, and that person you are talking to won't answer or skips over your question multiple times? When your profile says one thing and then you are looking for something else? Those are multiple red flags flying up. So unfortunately, we men have to detective here this site. Now I don't know if women have the same issues here, but men have to make sure you are asking a LOT of questions here. Some people are here to get as much information out of you so they can place it on to the dark web. They figure if a man is thirsty as hell, he'll offer up as much information as possible to a prospective member of the female sex to show he's honest, when in fact they want that so that they can profile you and put your info onto the dark web. Either that, or they get a sick thrill from trying to catfish you in order to get back at men because they were jilted by a former boyfriend, ergo, they want to hurt other men so they can feel better about themselves. Or they feel that people here live are sick, so in order to punish them for wanting sex, they do this so that they can waste people's time here. There could be a multitude of reasons why people are messing with people here, trying to get information out of you because all you want to do is to find someone to be with on here, whether for actual dating or just to have sex with someone else.
So what's a man to do here? You have to the role of being a detective! Before I meet up with anyone here, I ask a bunch of questions. I start out asking them to tell themselves to me so I can get to know them better. Their answers that they give, I compare it to their profile. SO...if a woman tells me she's 36, when she's 29 on her profile, while I can understand a woman age is a sensitive issue to some women, that's still a minor red flag for me. Because she lied. And if she lied there, then I have to become more inquisitive and ask more questions, because now I have to figure out, "What else is she lying or being untruthful about herself?"
People, before you give any really sensitive information about yourself, like a phone number, an email address to have them contact you offsite, you better ask questions here.
For example, when you ask them to tell somethings about themselves, and they say "Well, I'm a decent person. I have 2 , a and a , whom I love dearly. I live in Chicago, and I work as a legal assistant."
"Ok, roughly what neighborhood in Chicago do you live in? How old are your ?"
"My are both in their teens."
Now, attention to that last line. Do you see what happened there?
The 2nd person completely skipped over what neighborhood they live in. Look I can understand the need for privacy. However, there is no way you telling me roughly what neighborhood you live in is going to tell me your exact address. So the 2nd person is being evasive and not giving me this information. Which can be considered a red flag.
Now, one red flag, eh, I think we can say "It might be a cause for alarm, but nothing serious." However, if in the process of talking to this person, and you start to see 3 or 4 things that don't match up that matches their profile, then you have to start to think to yourself that person is being untruthful. And it's not a 0 percent thing here. This is you basing what you know and paying attention to things a person has said.
Other red flags could be:
"How much money do you make?" - that's a major red flag, most likely a gold digger.
"What's your phone number?" - now this is an iffy one...if you've talked for a while, this is a valid question as the person wants to talk to you. But if this is thrown out there right away after you've said hello and the person wants your number, major red flag. Do not give out your number until after you've talked to someone right away, and only give out your number to someone you've established a good connection with.
"I would prefer us talking on Skype/WhatApp//Line, etc. so that we can better communicate." - yeah guys, this is a ploy to get you to talk off site so that they can get you to give them your info. That or they are prostitutes.
In closing, you have to use your head to make sure that if you get a gut feeling that things are not matching up as they should, if your "spidey-sense" is tingling, listen to it! In this day and digital age, you have to protect yourself. Make sure that before you give any personal information out, that you have thoroughly vetted the person you are talking to is indeed real. And yes, there are real people out there that want to talk to you, and they may want to fuck you, but not in a good way. So make sure you practice some safety and it's ok to ask a bunch of questions! What's not ok is when the person you are talking to doesn't either answer truthfully, evades your questions, or the answers they give you do not match up. Thanks for reading!
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What to do when you are introverted like myself
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Posted:Mar 27, 2019 7:44 am
Last Updated:Mar 27, 2019 10:32 am
16203 Views
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Well it seems my blog is becoming a bit more popular again, and I happened to catch the eye of Starthorns, who happened to see my previous blogpost. And no, he didn't send me a dick pict or ask to suck my dick.
However he did offer me some advice on what I could do to help myself find someone. And with his permission to post his advice, I thought I would share this with you people who read my blog. However it's not easy advice to take for many of us who are introverted, like myself.
While dating website are popular for people like us introverts, because we don't have to socialize with people, that is the problem we have in this society today...no one wants to socialize with people! So in order to get around that...we need to go to places, get out of our houses and away from the keyboards and cellphones, and literally get outside! Scary advice, huh? For some of us, it is.
But in all honesty, we need to be social.
We need to make friends.
Seek new connections.
Find people that share our common values.
So the 64 thousand dollar question is...how to go about it?
Well Starthorns suggested several ideas. The first is to volunteer. Volunteering at an animal shelter, your local food bank or charity that you want to support. By getting out and volunteering, you open the doors to meeting tons of new people. And while you are donating your time, keep an eye out for the sexy people or people you find attractive, and talk to them. Who knows what might happen?
Second, are there any hobbies you like to do? Having a hobby is important because it keeps your mind off of the loneliness you might feel. If you like to cook, take a cooking class (tons of women at these cooking classes). If you like movies, Google for groups in your area that meet up for movie events like TCM Backlot that discuss older films. Or if you are a nerd, like myself, go to your local gaming store and see if they know people who are hosting RPG games, like Dungeons and Dragons, and maybe you might find a sexy nerd girlfriend (or boyfriend) that catches your eye. The point is hobbies can lead to new doorways and new people to meet.
Third, and this is a big one for me. You got to be ACTIVE. Being active means being fit. And I hate exercise. The only time you'll catch me running is when I'm being chased, and if it's aliens running after you, my overweight butt will likely be one of the first caught. (I am working on that however...I was at 275, now I'm at 252, I'm trying!) So get out and join a . Pull out that bicycle and go for a ride! Go golfing (I hate golfing, but I do like to miniature golf!) Go for a walk or a hike in the woods at the forest preserve or near the lake. There are tons of activities to get out and do things outside, even if it isn't exercise, and as long as you are active, it will help you keep moving and drop a pound or two with walking or performing an activity you do like.
Finally...the most important part...force yourself, no matter how hard it is, that when you find yourself someone you find attractive, to ask them out for a date. Is it possible you will be rejected? Possibly. But if you never take that leap of faith to do ask that person out, you will always be alone. The worst they can do is say no and reject you. And when that happens....move on, don't waste any more time asking them, and never take it personal. If they don't want to be with you, then it was never meant to be. Put your energy forward to finding someone that DOES want to be with you, and never waste energy on someone who DOES NOT want to be with you.
Well that's it. Thanks to Starthorns for giving me this idea for a post and the advice. It helps me, because after the divorce, for the longest time, you feel less sexy, less like a person and you focus your energy elsewhere, like or family. But the problem is, I got caught in the trap of becoming too focused on them, and not on me. We have a habit that divorced people fall into of focusing our energies on more important things, but we don't think of ourselves as important, especially when we are introverts. It's a difficult challenge, but if we can remember that we are still human. While rejection sucks, we need to conquer and overcome those feelings and move on and past the pain and hurt to focus on the future of what will be. And if we can do that, both you and I can accomplish great things.
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