Leave me a care package
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Posted:Oct 9, 2008 3:37 am
Last Updated:Oct 4, 2012 2:15 pm
19739 Views
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| This is where you can leave me private messages. It’s a sneaky way for standard members to send me a message, and a godsend for people who don’t know how to use email. I welcome you both. |
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Grand Old Party Girls
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Posted:Dec 9, 2012 12:16 pm
Last Updated:Dec 17, 2012 5:58 pm
17973 Views
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OK. So the being gay thing didn't work out. We can't ALL be Ryan Seacrest. Also, my 3 years of homosexual rehabilitation at the Bachmann Center have left me unemployed with some mild dementia. I have lots of time on my hands these days, and a zealous desire for purpose that can only be born of institutional indoctrination.
I need a new hobby.
Which is why I've decided to become a recruiter for the Republican Party. If ever there was a time when the GOP needed some reinvigorating, that time is now. Fortunately, volunteer standards have relaxed sufficiently that they will accept a traumatized former homosexual with recent bed wetting issues.
Our main problem these days in the party is in attracting the lower income and minority voters that propelled that socialist Obama back into the White House. I don't really believe Obama is a socialist, but the GOP recruitment brochure I received mandates that I must use the word "socialist" every time I mention Obama (the socialist).
I don't mean to brag, but I pretty much breezed right through the 35 minutes of training in recruitment class. I was immediately given an assignment to speak to a group that voted overwhelmingly Democratic this year: single women. I did this by attending a book club meeting on Fifty Shades of Grey. The police complaint from that night is biased and not completely accurate, so I want to go on record here to say I was INVITED.
Things started out well as I distributed my literature and told some jokes to warm up my audience.
"What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a lawyer?" I asked them.
"I think you're at the wrong meeting," one woman responded.
"No. Chelsea," I said. "If you'll turn to page 5, you'll see that 21% of Republicans in the Senate are, in fact, women, which proves we don't hate you."
I felt my control over the meeting was starting to slip somewhat as many of them had begun to shift and mutter among themselves as they struggled to understand which part of the novel we were now talking about. Luckily, one young lady spoke up.
"What's your position on abortion?" she asked me, as she stared me directly in the eyes, half amused and half defiant. I was grateful to her for bringing the chatter among the other women down to a low, some would say dead, buzz.
Ah. Now, the brochure was very clear on this point. When it came to abortion, I was not to talk about my beliefs. Talking about our beliefs is exactly what caused two of our senators to lose their seats last month. I was instructed in training to absolutely not talk about the things I fervently believe in.
"Great question," I told her. "Next?"
"Why should I vote Republican?" another woman asked me. I couldn't help but notice that she was black, and my heart sang. A twofer. And she's interested in voting Republican. I imagined the praise I would receive from the GOP for such a get.
"Republicans need to attract more women and minorities," I told her. "The prevailing image today is that we're all white men who want to hang onto our historical privileges. As a growing Hispanic population comes to dominate more and more of the voting public, and more middle class Americans are disillusioned with conservative policies that have bankrupted them into near-poverty, our influence as a party is in danger of diminishing into irrelevance."
RIGHT out of the brochure. Boom. NAILED it!
"OK," the woman said, still stubbornly talking and not immediately changing parties, "that explains why YOU need ME. But what's in it for me?"
God. You know... this was starting to remind me of the exact conversations I used to have while dating, and why I turned gay in the first place.
"Look," I said. "The power is shifting. We're smart enough to see that. Whether we want to or not, we're going to have to go down and talk to the people who actually represent the majority of this country's demographics and beliefs. If we do that, we can take back control. We can start winning elections again at the national level. Don't you WANT to be on the winning team?"
I'm not going to go into the rest of the presentation. I will just say that it didn't go exactly as I had hoped. I suppose, this being my first one, that I shouldn't have expected to be so successful so soon.
I went for coffee later with the abortion woman, after the police left and some of the swelling had gone down.
"You should have sex with me," I told her. "It's been several years since I've had sex with a woman, unless you count that time Rodney wore a dress and tucked it under. We were pretty high."
"Todd," she said warmly and patiently, "I think you'd do better for yourself and your political party if you spent less time talking about YOUR needs and actually took the time to get to know the people you're trying to attract."
I will admit - Sheila had some good advice. Or Shelley. Or something. Something with an "Sh"...
It's definitely worth thinking about. But later. Tomorrow, I'm scheduled to go to an Aldi supermarket and explain to poor people why they're lazy.
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Return package
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Posted:Jul 13, 2012 4:09 pm
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2012 12:25 pm
18973 Views
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I suppose you're wondering where I've been.
Well, when we left off three years ago, I had quadrupled my chances of getting laid on NoStrings by converting to homosexuality. In hindsight, I see now that this was just an experimental phase in my human/spiritual evolution, and I was confused.
Being gay, it turns out, is an aberration of nature, an unhealthy and self-destructive lifestyle choice, and a titty-twister to God Himself.
Fortunately, that has all changed now. Today, I walk on the glorious path of Right Thinking that is the intent of the Creator, the Lord Our God. And thank God for my brothers and sisters in Christ at the Bachman Center who approached me with such a clear solution to my reprehensible sin and despair. Due to their guidance, tough love, and comfortable but unyielding restraints, I have been able to transform myself from a retched and barbaric abomination into a normal man with HEALTHY sinful thoughts.
My life at the Center was not an easy one. The days were long and demanding, full of prayer and Right Thinking meditation. The mantras, while laborious at times, helped me focus my mind and gather my resistance to the sin that is buggery. I can still hear many of the best ones running through my head:
"It's Adam and Eve. Not Adam and Steve."
and
"When it's a him, it's a sin to put it in."
That last one was embroidered on my pillow. But I drew most inspiration from THIS nugget, which I still carry on a wallet card:
"If you're thinking of cock, just take a breath and walk it off."
And, of course, this one, which I think comes from Deuteronomy:
"At least you won't get any more stubble burn on your junk."
As you can imagine, the clinic blocks access to NoStrings because of the possibility you may see a man's wiener. Three years of purity drills and praying could evaporate in just a few lusty minutes of gazing longingly at a photo of a semi-flaccid lap ham belonging to a 51-year old mechanic from Burnsville who wants to know if anyone wants to hang tonight.
My final sessions were with Dr. Bachman himself. Our discussions focused on my New Life free from sin and queerness, and what that would look like in the years ahead. I wanted to know if, although my gay shenanigans were now just sweaty memories, was I still honoring God through my lifestyle choices? After all, I told him, my wife and I are not monogamous. We have sex with multiple partners in relationships that are sometimes deeply intimate and sometimes purely recreational. We regularly attend parties where both vegetable trays and fellatio are common. We are, by definition, slutty swingers, and, is that ok?
Dr. Bachman told me, "No, that's cool. As long as you're not thinking about dick."
And, as I walked away, putting the last three years of my sinful life behind me, I thought I heard Dr. Bachman sadly muttering to himself, "sweet... sweet... dick..." So now, I can finally go forward and walk the path God has chosen for me. His way is divine, and He has a plan; a plan that involves the creation of every single particle in existence, eons of glorious creativity, and the journies of billions of individual, thinking, feeling human souls. If I let my homosexual urges control me again, my penis somehow messes up that plan. So no more.
No. It is a different Package you're getting now. One who has been through the crucible of wickedness, and emerged stronger on the other side. One who has seen the evil and firmly-toned temptation of the flesh, and resisted. It's time to get back to doing what I do best: trying to get laid on line. With a WOMAN.
Anyone want to hang tonight?
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Flipping the minivan
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Posted:Mar 5, 2009 5:21 pm
Last Updated:Jul 13, 2012 4:11 pm
20485 Views
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One of the hardest things about becoming gay in recent weeks, other than my penis, has been learning all of the gay lingo. This can be especially confusing in the bedroom. For example, the other night, Rupert asked me if he could “toss my salad”. I’ve heard that before, so I knew what he wanted, but then he asked me if I’d rather do a Spiderman.
“What’s that?” I asked.
He said, “That’s when you cum in the palm of your hand, curve your middle finger in, and flick your hand at the wall.”
So I’m constantly learning something new in the bedroom. It’s been wonderful!
Now, I know this is NoStrings, and you’re all just dying to hear my stories about all of the sex I’ve been having, so I’ll tell you about last night. I have to warn you though, some of the descriptions get pretty graphic.
We started in the living room on the couch. We had just finished watching “What Not to Wear”, when he put his hand on my thigh and started stroking my chopstick. He leaned in close and put his parking space right next to my landing strip. “I want you so bad,” he whispered into my dumbo.
His words sent shivers down my catwalk and I almost completely overloaded the washer right then and there. “Well,” I purred coyly, “this applesauce isn’t going to make itself.” That was all the encouragement he needed and, before I knew it, his licorice mixers were all over my candy apple condos.
It didn’t take long before the onions were peeled and our paisley shrouds were hanging from the stadium lights. “Oh my god,” he said almost under his breath, “I’m going to go digging without a permit.” Then he grabbed my steering column in a quick, deft move and hungrily yanked my Bert & Ernie into his Big Bird.
It was almost too much to take. I was so caught up in changing the bulbs in the Christmas lights, but I was more than willing to give Tinkie Winkie back his purse. I stopped him just long enough to ask for a life raft.
“You’re right,” he said, panting, “here, I have a collection in my panic room.” He asked me to emcee the mike stand but I hesitated. It was the first time I had ever put the toupee on the Shatner and I didn’t want to jump the shark.
“That’s it,” he instructed. “Just ride the wave into shore, and put a little vinaigrette in the bag.”
“Really?” I asked, perplexed. “How do you keep the squid in the jar?”
“It’s just like cobalting your squeegee,” he assured me. “Tame the lion.”
He was right. I spent several minutes serenading the lighthouse. His barnswallow migrated slightly, but that will happen sometimes when you baste the turkey too liberally. Soon, he was stuffing the teddy bear in such a frenzy of excitement that he almost foreclosed on my loan.
Before long, it was my turn. I almost couldn’t wait to rubberstamp his admission form and, looking down at his winking Palin, I couldn’t help but grease the hippo.
And then I was in heaven. Riding the dolphin like a debutante at homecoming. The feeling was incredible! I trotted the coastline, my eyes blazing like the lightning from a thousand neon flamingos. Nothing, I thought, nothing can orchestrate the deacons like an honorary fish baker stoned out on a mixture of cobwebs and bliss. There will be peace in the valley tonight and you just KNOW the munchkins won’t rest until ALL the soldiers have been melted.
When it was over, we lied in each other’s arms. “That was Dumbledorian,” he said, “absolutely wonderful.”
I couldn’t have agreed more.
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Yep. Still gay.
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Posted:Feb 28, 2009 2:51 pm
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2012 8:59 am
20706 Views
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It’s been about 3 weeks now since I became gay, in a decision inspired mainly by Sarah Palin and mushrooms. I have to tell you ‒ it’s been absolutely fabulous! My pre-gay inbox, which was dry as a dusty ballroom, is now practically overflowing with pictures of male genitalia in various stages of erection. It’s like some sort of meaty sausage tornado in there!
Meeting people on line for sex used to be so difficult. I don’t miss those days. When you’re dating women, they have all these rules. (Don’t be pushy, don’t be rude, don’t be married, etc). Not so for men! For most of them, it’s like they don’t even care that I’m a thinking, feeling human being with my own dreams and desires. They just want to use me for sex. How cool is THAT?!?!
Things have definitely changed. I’ve already got three dates lined up and that’s just for tonight. Cheri is not happy that I won’t be spending time with her tonight, but hanging out with her is not so much fun lately. All she seems to do these days is sit in the corner of the bedroom with her Jack Daniels rocking herself and muttering about the choices she’s made. Sometimes I’ll try to cheer her up by saying things like, “Baby, I still love you. I would just love you more if you had a penis.” Or sometimes I’ll tickle her chin and say, “Whoooo’s my little beard? WHOOOO’s my little beard?” But usually, nothing seems to work so I’ll just say toodles to THAT wake, you know what I mean?
I hope my dates buy tonight because I’m still running low on fundage. I miss the extra income from the National Guard, but the last time I was there, I went gaily forward and told my commander that I don’t believe I should have to “not tell” for him, The Man, or anyone. Then I snapped my fingers 2X and gave him the now patented Package head snap/huff. Technically, I haven’t been discharged yet, pending the psychological eval, but it’s looking like a dead certainty. It’s just as well, because BDU’s are NOT flattering to my complexion and sage green was sooo last season.
But that just frees up a lot more of my time for gay sex ‒ something I’ll never say “no” to.
So fellas, if you’re not having much luck with the ladies, why don’t you slip on those rainbow colored glasses and see the world from a different perspective? Just step on out of the closet and stare in to the sunlight of a thousand screaming hard-ons. We’re here, we’re queer, and, if you hurry, I’ve got some free time between 8:15 and 9:30 tonight.
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Feelin good in the gayborhood
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Posted:Feb 18, 2009 2:42 pm
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2012 9:01 am
19987 Views
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So, I don’t mean to brag or anything, but being gay is going fabulously! I got invited to the scene last night at Kirby’s house. Ricky and Darryl were there but they were so not talking to each other since Ricky caught Darryl bumming the valet at the Gloria Gaynor concert. AWKward! James was there too with a new guy named Enrique or Paco or Taco or something. Oh my GOD! James is such a bean queen! Stuart and Marky arrived later with Lisa. I swear, I don’t know why they bother hanging out with that faux-mosexual. I’ve only been gay two weeks and I already flirt circles around her. She had nice shoes though. So I was just dancing with Carl to some Leif Garrett when in walked this tall drink of water with some serious bread in the basket, and, GASP, he’s alone. So I went up to him and said, “excuse me, do you have a mirror in your pocket?” And when he said, “no, why?” I said, “because I can see myself in your pants.” And right away I start laying my best lines on him. But Stuart, who is SO mean, walked by and said, “cough cough TOURIST! Cough cough!” I’ll admit, it hurt a little. But I came right back with “tell me, is Marky still so deep in the closet that he shits mothballs?” But just then, Zuzu came up to me and he’s all like, “Package, girl, I KNOW you just turned gay like two weeks ago but we REALLY need to queer eye your fine ass.” I was so TO’d at Stuart that I just wanted to ripcord so I’m like “ok, bitch. Timothy Gunn me.” And he’s like, “ok.” And I’m like, “ok.” So this goes on for a while and we’re just about to go to Banana Republic when Ricky and Darryl started screaming and fighting with each other. ZuZu was all like, “what is their D?” Then he snapped his fingers 2X and turned around in a huff and strutted off. So I went back to my dreamy LC and said, “My name’s Package. Twitter me sometime, hey?” This was, of course, before the oral sex.
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Personal reflection: what I
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Posted:Feb 16, 2009 7:48 am
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2009 3:16 pm
20015 Views
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One thing I’ve learned since becoming gay two weeks ago is that there are a lot of misconceptions about homosexuality. Trust me - I’ve heard them all. Or at least three of them so far. Here they are, along with the truth:
Homosexuals are trying to turn my gay. That’s baloney! We’re not perverts. We’re not trying to turn your gay. We will wait patiently until your are adults before we turn them gay. Especially if they have striking blue eyes and tousled, boyish hair. I won’t lie to you though. If they’re going to be turned at all, it’s best if it’s done early. We can’t all be like me, being turned gay at 38. I’m a success story, yes, but I’m more the exception than the rule.
Programs designed to correct deviant homosexual behaviors are ineffective. You can’t turn a gay person into a straight person. Nothing could be further from the truth! If you can be turned gay, you can certainly be turned straight! And the process is just as simple to go the other way. To turn myself gay, I simply spent an afternoon staring at men’s underwear models and eating kielbasa. Turning straight should be just as effortless. If those programs fail for you, you’re just not trying hard enough.
Homosexual marriage is a dire threat to the health and well-being of our nation’s . Absolutely true! should be raised the way God intended – with a mother and a father, a step-mother and a step-father, several step-sisters, 3 half-brothers, and a cousin of questionable paternity.
All I’m saying is, don’t believe everything you hear, and don’t trust everything you read on line, because much of it is bullshit.
Trust me. |
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Gay me up Scotty!
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Posted:Feb 12, 2009 2:36 pm
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2012 9:03 am
20040 Views
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You know, with all that’s been said in the media about homosexuals, I thought they were extraordinarily different from you and me. I thought it would be more of a challenge to become one than it has been. As it turns out, becoming gay is easy.
Not that it didn’t require some field work. For starters, I went to the mall and sat on a bench in front of Abercrombie and Fitch. I decided I would just sit there until I started feeling gay. Not only did I meet my goal, but I still had time to grab lunch and go shopping for Kylie Minogue posters.
The next step was to rent Moulin Rouge (mmm… Ewan McGregor ‒ SUCH a hottie! Yow!)
Lastly, I updated my profile on NoStrings. It should only be a matter of hours now before I start getting emails from sexy men who just want to meet and see where it goes from there.
I feel good, like I’m on top of my game again. Becoming gay is something I should have done a long, long time ago. It’s so easy too! I can’t WAIT to start having all the sex!
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A Bold Choice
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Posted:Feb 11, 2009 4:43 pm
Last Updated:Feb 16, 2009 7:25 am
19653 Views
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Yes, it’s time to dust off the old blog and bring you, my very special blog friends, up to date with what’s been happening lately. As you know, internet dating on an adult website such as this one has not been working out for me. When I joined NoStrings, this site promised me that, once I signed up, I would get laid that very evening. That did not happen. Getting laid continued to not happen for me over the following 3 years. I suspected many reasons for this, and I tried several different approaches in the pursuit of getting laid, to no avail. Ultimately, I concluded that meeting a woman on an adult site who will have sex with me is an unattainable goal.
This has led me to one inevitable and inescapable conclusion – I need to be gay.
The men on this site outnumber the women by something like 10 to 1, so already my chances are much better for getting laid this very evening. Also, I already have hundreds of emails from men asking me to have sex with them. Stupidly, I’ve ignored them all.
Now, obviously, the decision to become gay was not one I made easily. I’m married, for one thing, and that may present a problem when I start bringing men home and having sex with them. But I’ll worry about that later. Also, I don’t have any gay friends. And lastly, I don’t even own any Abba cds.
But what worried me most were the moral ramifications. How do I know if becoming gay is the right thing to do? For guidance, I went to the ultimate source for leadership and moral guidance in the nation today: Sarah Palin.
Governor Palin said that being gay is not a decision she would make. I was so relieved to hear that. One, because she wouldn’t have all those fabulous , and two, because now I know that homosexuality is a choice. At first, I thought you kind of had to be born into it, like becoming a hotel heiress. Failing that, I thought there might be some childhood trauma you had to go through, like being forced to wear your sister’s hand-me-downs. At the very least, I was expecting an application form and a request for dues.
But no. As it turns out, you can just be gay. All you have to do is say you’re gay and you’re gay. It’s the exact same process as becoming a reverend.
So, I’m gay now, and things are gonna change. Internet dating may still hold some promise for me yet.
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Success is how you measure it
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Posted:Nov 3, 2008 4:21 pm
Last Updated:Mar 3, 2009 4:18 pm
20094 Views
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My Jane Goodall experiment continues. I went to another lifestyle party at a bar in Minneapolis this weekend. This time, I went with my wife, and I learned how remarkably easy it is to meet people when you show up with a hottie who swings.
“What do you think of that girl?” Cheri asked, pointing to a younger couple sitting alone at a table.
“She’s cute,” I said. She was damn cute. “Do you like the guy?”
“Yes.”
“OK,” I said, “Let’s take them home and do them.”
Cheri laughed, but we DID go and talk to them. Their names were Dan and Jolene. They were friendly and easy to talk to and they had been in the lifestyle for about a year. We didn’t take them home, but Dan DID spend a large part of the evening making out with Cheri. And Jolene DID spend a large part of the evening making out with some guy she met at the bar. His name escapes me just now. I spend most of the evening with my lips pressed firmly against a bottle of Miller Genuine Draft. That’s right. I said Genuine. You can be jealous if you want to.
Clearly, more observation is needed. I’ve been accepted by some elements of the tribe. Or at least, they don’t see me as a threat. But I have yet to be invited into some of their more fundamental rituals, like touching their women.
I think I may observe another party this weekend. I will keep my experiment going until I am integrated into the troop, or develop a drinking problem. My hero, Dr. Goodall, could drink three sailors under a table by the time she finished her research. My goals are no less lofty. |
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Put your hands on me, you damn dirty ape!
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Posted:Oct 26, 2008 10:38 am
Last Updated:Mar 3, 2009 4:18 pm
19921 Views
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I went to a swinger party last night. I didn’t know anyone and I came alone. I really wanted to meet some people and expand my social network. Arriving out of the blue into an event like that could have disastrous results for a single male if it’s done incorrectly. But for me, I found that if I use a bit of strategy and my natural skills, I can easily make some new friends.
Have you ever been to a party and found someone who seems to be completely at ease in the company of others? We’ve all seen this guy. He’s charming and gregarious. He laughs easily and exudes warmth and intelligence. He makes you smile when you see him and you just can’t help but like him.
I am not that guy.
I’m kind of like the opposite of that guy.
Which is a bit of a handicap when you approach a new group that you want to become a part of. So my strategy is to sit against the wall, watch others, and drink lots and lots of beer. I attempt to talk to no one.
It may not sound like much of a strategy, but it worked for Dr. Jane Goodall in her ground-breaking study of the chimpanzees of the Gombe jungle. She knew that if another primate attempted to enter their group, the chimps would run from her in fear or become hostile towards her.
So instead, she sat down on a hillside for many weeks, studying chimpanzee behavior and allowing them to gradually get used to her presence. Eventually, they approached her and allowed her to enter the troop. It was then, speaking to the animals one-on-one that she could use her natural humor and conspiratory charm to win them over. She made some friends and got some of the chimps’ screen names and . By the time Dr. Goodall finished her research in 1963, she had fucked every single chimp in the Gombe. She later blogged about each encounter in The Journal of Natural Science.
That’s my plan. I would ask you to wish me luck, but I have science on my side and it’s kind of a foregone conclusion that it will work. There’s no way it could possibly fail.
Wish me luck anyway. |
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The Blues
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Posted:Oct 15, 2008 7:56 pm
Last Updated:Nov 25, 2008 2:27 pm
9190 Views
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Cheri asked me if she could stay overnight at Jay’s house on Thursday night. I said sure. She was packing up her favorite vibrator, condoms, and lubes, and humming these are a few of my favorite things tra la la la tra la la la when I started whimpering. It had been a long time since I spent some quality time with her and her vibrator. Plus, I was jealous that she gets decent, consistent booty calls whenever her time and schedule allow it.
Me, not so much.
I WANT A BOOTY CALL!!!
Phhhttt! Just because I’m a man. And just because I have *cough cough* herpes. Women have it so easy. I’ve been looking for a mindless sexual encounter on this stupid site for years. So far, I have a 99.99% failure rate. Is it really too much to ask of a woman to make the ultimate expression of physical intimacy with a complete stranger who will have absolutely no emotional connection to her whatsoever?
I don’t think so either!
I’ve read with interest every blog I can find by wizened women who will offer advice to men on the do’s and don’ts of internet dating from the woman’s perspective. Those blogs are intended for pathetic men who can’t find a date on line, but, you know, sometimes I like to read them too.
No cock pic - got it.
Don’t be pushy ‒ I am all about the smooth.
Have something interesting to say other than “let’s fuck” ‒ lady I have personality oozing out of my bung hole.
If you have a criminal record, for god’s sake please don’t let it involve sheep ‒ hey, do you want to date a man or Sister frickin Teresa?
But no ‒ nothing. You would think that of the 1000’s of random women I’ve spam emailed over the last three years, at least one of them would have sex with me out of sheer hatred.
Now, I know what you’re going to say ‒ “Package, was it at least a female sheep?” You also may point out that I’ve written blogs about hooking up with beautiful women or at least lied about hooking up with beautiful women, which has got to count for something.
Those stories, even the mostly true ones, were all freakish abominations of nature. And besides, I don’t care. I want what Cheri has ‒ a casual friend you also happen to have great sex with from time to time. Cheri has most of the same obstacles I do (except for her serendipitous lack of a penis) and yet she has men lined up to be with her, ready, willing, and eager. That’s what I want!
Well, that’s sort of what I want.
I’m just frustrated. I swear, if it gets any worse, I may have to start being interesting in person, or develop some genuine awareness of other people’s feelings. Let’s hope it never comes to that.
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Not very PC
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Posted:Oct 13, 2008 4:00 pm
Last Updated:Oct 14, 2008 3:19 pm
8005 Views
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There’s a funny video I want to share with you but it’s on a site the A FF gods will probably block. So I’ll give you the complete dialogue, and, if you can imagine those Apple vs PC commercials, you’ve got the whole picture.
Male swinger: Hi, we’re swingers.
Male vanilla: And we are vanillas.
Male swinger: Hey, Vanilla, where’s your wife?
Male vanilla: Oh, my wife is not exactly speaking to me at the moment.
Female swinger: Oh no! What happened?
Male vanilla: Well it’s completely my fault. We were out to dinner last night and I made the mistake of mentioning that our waitress was “attractive”.
Male swinger: You know, the same thing happened to us once…
Male vanilla: Oh really? Well how did you handle it?
Female swinger: We took the waitress home and fucked her.
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|
8
|
|
91
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
31
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
