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Christmas Songs
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Christmas Songs I am not much of a Christmas person. Ever since my grandma died when i was in high school. Long story short, dad's family slowly phased out of their lives after her funeral. Then there was the 6 years i spend in retail where my manager purposely rearranged the schedule so I'd work EVERY holiday peddling overpriced crap people don't need. I'm just tired of the real meaning behind the holiday being buried behind retail financal assault. So the other day they are setting up 1 of the 3 trees they have up where I work. This one goes right next to my desk. And the woman who is decorating it is blaring christmas music at max volume. She drowned out the music I had playing on my phone. Plus others were complaining so I kindly asked her to lower the volume to a more respectful level. She got grumpy and told me I need to get in the christmas spirit. I promptly played her this song: "X-M@$" by Corey Taylor Ho ho ho ho! There ain't nothing more depressing than a pine tree Gussied up candy canes and balls Those carolers have kept me up for hours It's "Merry Christmas" seeping through my walls Now I'm no wiccan commie nut or nothing But there's one damn holiday that I can't stand It ain't Halloween or Thanksgiving or even April Fools But it'll surely make a fool out of every man Ha! If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas You know where to stick those Jingle Bells If I ain't hammered it ain't Hanukkah And all you motherf*ckers go to hell If I ain't cock-eyed then it ain't Kwanzaa Joy to the world and Jack and Cokes If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas 'Cause I ain't never anything but broke Now every year the malls are just a madhouse Full of empty pockets, thoughts and smiles Just the smell of eggnog makes me vomit And those colored lights are f*cking infantile I think we collectively as a people Should rise against this corporate jolly noise And tell the world "Let's buy some piece and quiet for a change" Before we spend it all on f*cking toys. Ha! So if I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas You know where to stick those Jingle Bells If I ain't hammered it ain't Hanukkah Fa la la la la go f*ck yourself! If I ain't cock-eyed it ain't Kwanzaa Joy to the world of getting stoned If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas So leave this God damn Scrooge the f*ck alone. Ha! Merry f*cking Christmas! Don't think she liked it... Speak the Truth, or make your peace some other way Follow CaptainDilfCT Superhero or pirate? You decide Sorry, I Was Thinking Again |
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PS I pimped this to some friends who don't blog here (Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group
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How did I miss this F**cking awesome post!!! (Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group
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