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Drunk Dialing
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Drunk Dialing A wise man (or possibly just a wiseass), said that drunks and always tell the truth. What I don't understand though, is how someone can remember a phone number piss drunk, be able to dial it and carry on a conversation, but can't remember sharing intimate stories of their youth along with their entire sexual history the next day. That's why there ought to be designated dialers. There are already designated drivers, so why not assign a designated dialer early in the night to handle all your calls too? "Hello this is John, I'm calling on behalf of Ray, he is too wasted to speak to you personally right now, but he says hi and ends his love for you." Designated dialers would be responsible for preventing drunks from pushing buttons on their phone, and if necessary, for literally breaking your fingers to prevent the following situations: Calling up an ex you just broke up with - "(Singing) Hi, I just called to say, I love you." And I mean it from the bottom of my inebriated heart. The ex-who is more than likely still emotionally attached-stays on the line attempting to reason with you. Calling up an ex that just broke up with you - Ah yes. The biggest call you will ever make and regret in your lifetime. Ahem, it goes something like this: "Where did we go wrong? I was happy. Truly happy with you. I miss you cuddling with me! I just want someone to cuddle with!" And by the next morning not only will you be looking for Advil, you'll be scrounging around desperately for pieces of your dignity. Checking excess baggage with a friend - Emotional drunks are the worst kind ever (ok, yes, this one applies to me!) The violent ones just wear themselves out fighting each other, but the saps full of crap can push through 'til dawn sobbing about their problems. "She doesn't like me anymore and I don't know why!" "The bartender gave everyone free shots but me!" "Don't tell anyone but I think Keanu Reeves is a great actor." Secret confessions -The confessor must drunkenly profess and declare every dramatic thought flowing through his dramatic little mind. And god knows it's usually an anonymous, "Hi you don't know me but I have noticed you and wanted to tell you that I think you're beautiful and that I have secretly fallen in love with you. (Giggle giggle giggle, followed by an immediate click)" Girls are guilty of this more than guys and will be forever. Period. So here's the bottom line: some people like to talk a lot, and some people like to drink a lot. If you're doing both, well then pick a hobby. No one likes an overachiever.  |
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5/5/2008 10:42 am |
That is very good!!!!!
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That is very good!!!!!
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